Women's Institute
In 2008 we ran a small piece in The Womens Institute Magazine’s Care Feature and were inundated with their readers response. Here we talk to Bridget Hollins,one of many people who as a consequence chose live-in care as a solution for their loved one. We started caring for her mum Daphne in June 2008, as well as the physical support she requires following a stroke, her carers have also been with her emotionally through the loss of her husband.
What is your link to the WI ?
“Daphne used to a member of The Womens Institute in Dorking. Every Friday, I would help her take a batch of homemade cakes and biscuits plus some eggs from our chickens and bantems down the WI market .Until her stroke, Daphne’s main activity was cooking – she baked cakes and biscuits for the nurses up at the local hospital where she did voluntary work for the anti natal class as she loved being around babies.”
Tell me the journey you went through up to the point of mom and dad needing care.
Daphne had a stroke some 8 years ago and my Dad became the main carer. A carer was employed to get Daphne washed and dressed in the morning and to put her night clothes on in the evening. By 2007, Dad was becoming frailer and my brother, sister and myself tried to persuade our parents that a permanent, live in carer was required. However, mum was adamant that she wanted Dad to continue looking after her. After his 90th birthday early last March, my Dad became frailer and so at last, Mum became more agreeable about having a professional carer.
What made you think of Live-in Care ?
We knew my parents wanted to stay in their home of over 45 years and to avoid having to go into a nursing home. So live in care would enable them to stay at “Windwhistle”.
What were your first impressions of Helping Hands ?
My sister and our parents were interviewed by Melanie who represented Helping Hands. They all warmed to her as did I when I met her last summer – a lovely lady who knows just how to treat and reassure vulnerable old ladies like Daphne.
What is most important to you and your family in receiving care ?
That Daphne’s needs – both physical and mental – are given the utmost priority. A stroke victim, who has difficultly expressing herself must be dealt with patiently . The repetition and annoyance in the effort that goes into trying to formulate words is distressing and frustrating to watch.
On a physical level, Daphne finds the odd time when she suffers from incontinence embarrassing so the carer needs to show tact and professionalism.
Tell me about mums main carer Hilary and the relief carer Frances.
From Day 1, Hilary settled in at “Windwhistle” and Daphne took to her. After initially trying younger carers, here was a more mature lady who seemed happy to be a companion to Daphne – often knitting whilst Daphne watched TV.
Frances shares Daphne’s love of painting. Since her stroke, mum has attended a painting class run by a local charity for the disabled. It’s her favourite afternoon of the week! Being able to paint with Frances’s encouragement, has spurred her on and the results of her work are quite amazing.
Frances is also of an age which suits Daphne – a mature lady but with a youthful attitude. She was the carer last Christmas and myself and my husband came up for the ‘festive’ period. Neither Mum or I were looking forward to our 1st Christmas without Dad but it turned out much better than expected. And that was largely due to Frances’s presence. She kept us going and made the period a much happier time than we could ever have imagined. My husband said afterwards that it was one of the best festive times he could remember having! And that from him was quite something as he’s not a lover of the 25-26th Dec!
What sort of things do they do together ?
Daphne loves to have a drive in the car to see the countryside and Hilary is quite happy to do this with her. Also, she loves visiting garden centres and Hilary takes her to one some 7 miles away which has a nice café are so they can have a cup of coffee. Daphne likes visiting the local shops in Dorking which can be reached in 10 minutes by wheelchair, especially the charity shops, so Hilary wheels her in and out of those which allow wheelchair access.
What difference have they made to mum ?
They have provided companionship to Daphne after her bereavement. They have treated her with dignity and patience, enabling her to remain in her beloved home.
What difference has it made to you ?
I don’t need to visit Daphne so often. I am usually the one who rushes up to Dorking all the way from Poole so the peace of mind for me, is priceless.
What sort of relationship do you have with your Care Manager Kathryn ?
Fine – she has always responded quickly to a situation. Meeting her last autumn was beneficial. She comes across as a caring manager who takes great care in finding the right carer for Daphne.
What would you say to anybody looking at their permanent care options ?
Decide whether you want a permanent live in carer or an agency which 2 weeks on/2 weeks off. For us it was important to have continuity and a service where the carers where directly employed. Also really think about the kind of carer that is going to make your loved one most comfortable, it is hard to make an old lady in their late 80s change their stereotypical views - I’ve given up trying !
