Losing Patience with Someone Who Has Dementia How to Stay Calm and Cope
Why caring for someone with dementia can feel hard
Caring for someone who’s living with dementia can be hugely rewarding, but it can also be physically and emotionally draining at times. This is why carers – both professional and unpaid – need to ensure they take time for themselves away from their caring responsibilities.
If you’re currently caring for someone living with dementia and you’re concerned that you’re not managing, have a chat with Helping Hands about how we could be supporting you and your loved one. We’ve been supporting people living with dementia since 1989, and our experience definitely shows.
Is it normal to lose patience?
Losing patience with someone living with dementia is understandable, however it needs to be avoided whenever possible. This is because the person doesn’t realise that their behaviour can cause frustration – they’re not doing it deliberately. The different types of dementia cause changes in the brain that can affect behaviour and personality, so the person may have no control over the way they’re coming across. If you’re worried that you’re not managing their care, then speak to their local authority about a care needs assessment. You can then arrange some professional care to take the pressure off you.
What can trigger frustration?
Many things can trigger frustration when you’re caring for someone living with dementia, but it’s important to develop coping mechanisms to avoid becoming frustrated. Breathing deeply before you answer, stepping outside to take a moment for yourself, or asking for help from family and friends may all help.
Repeated questions
The person may repeatedly ask the same question because short-term memory loss means they do not remember asking it. They may repeatedly ask the time for instance, or where they are. Something as simple as putting a clock in their sight range may help.
Changes in behaviour
Changes in behaviour are common in people living with dementia. Remaining patient is difficult but important, so that the person doesn’t become more agitated and a cycle of behaviour continues. Speak to a healthcare professional if you’re struggling.
Tiredness and burnout
Caring for someone living with dementia can take great reserves of strength. If you’re physically and emotionally burnt out, you can’t care for someone else effectively. Organising some respite care for your loved one while you take a break can help.
How to stay calm in the moment
The best way to stay calm will vary from person to person. Breathing exercises and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques may help. CBT is a form of therapy used to manage anxiety, low mood and stress. It is usually practised with a therapist, although some techniques can be used independently. The NHS recommends these techniques to help “change unhelpful thoughts and behaviours”.
Even simply leaving the room or making a cup of tea can also give you a few minutes to regain your composure, which may be all you need to become calm again.
Looking after your own wellbeing
It’s well known that you cannot continue to care for others if you have no energy left to give. That’s why it’s so important to have time off, or help when you need it, so that all of the responsibility doesn’t fall on you and cause you fatigue.
Taking regular breaks
Regular breaks are crucial for all carers, whether paid or not. At Helping Hands, our carers accrue paid holiday so that they can take a break when they need to. When caring for family members you still need seek respite and have a chance to build your energy reserves again.
Asking for and accepting help
It’s important to seek help from siblings or other family members if caring responsibilities are becoming overwhelming. Alternatively, approaching Helping Hands for additional support will mean you don’t have to manage alone when caring for someone with dementia.
Where to find support as a carer
Finding support as a carer isn’t always easy if you’re feeling isolated in your caring responsibilities. You may also find it difficult to leave the house due to a loved one’s needs. Carers UK offer support and advice for carers, and Age UK have a search facility where you can look for carer support groups in your area. They also provide befriending services and help for people caring for loved ones living with dementia. These can enable carers to get a bit of time for themselves or meet other carers and volunteers who can provide valuable support and social links.
How Helping Hands respite and home care can help
Helping Hands have been providing exceptional home care since we were established 37 years ago. Our amazing carers provide support on both a visiting care and live-in care basis, meaning that you get a break from your caring responsibilities and recover some balance in your life. We can also provide respite care on a temporary basis if you would like to take a holiday or need time to yourself for a while. You may even have medical issues of your own which means you need some additional help with your loved one. We will work with you to build a package of care for your love done that ensures all of their needs are met, and because we have a wide knowledge of dementia you can be sure they’ll remain in the very best hands.
