Sharing Care Responsibilities: A Guide for Families
Why Sharing Care Responsibilities Matters
Sharing care responsibilities matters, because one member of the family cannot take on the entire workload. It’s difficult when families live far apart and only one member of the family lives close to the person who needs care, however exhaustion and resentment can build up quickly if it’s not addressed. There are tasks that can be delegated so it seems fairer, such as the person who lives further away doing the bulk of the research and enquiries when searching for care, even if they can’t be on hand as often. This is important because bad feeling can cause family members to lose sight of the reasons they’re looking for care, which is to safeguard the person they all love.
Talking to Helping Hands can eliminate all of the stress of searching for care. With over 5000 Trustpilot reviews it’s easy to see why we’re trusted so highly by all of our customers. By providing visiting or live-in care in the person’s own home, built around their needs, we’ll support both physically and emotionally whenever you need us.
How to Start the Conversation
The topic of care has to be approached carefully. It’s possible that loved ones won’t agree on what would be the best course of action, especially if the older person feels they don’t need care at all. Choosing care can be a minefield; should the person leave the home they love and move into residential care? Can they continue to live in the home they love, even if they have complex needs? Emotion will understandably creep into any conversation undertaking so it’s important that everyone remains as calm as possible and accusations are kept out of discussions. Rather than saying things like “you don’t understand as you’re never here” to a sibling who may already feel guilty for living further away, suggest that everyone takes a turn in calmly putting their point of view across, at a time when they don’t have other pressures on them.
How to Divide Caring Tasks
Dividing care tasks should be done after discussions with everyone involved. If the person who needs care is able to make their own decisions, they should always be supported to choose how their care is carried out. However, if they can’t, tasks should be allocated to loved ones in a fair manner.
Consider everyone’s level of availability
Everyone has different things going on in their lives, so it’s sensible to allocate tasks that people will actually be able to complete. It may seem unfair that some people take on higher responsibility, however if they live closer to the person or have more availability it may be that they take on a larger share.
Match tasks to people's strengths
Some people are better at practical tasks, while others are more suited to administrative duties. If certain loved ones prefer to help with errands at home, such as cooking meals or taking medication, while siblings are happier contacting care providers, it makes sense to utilise that and play to everyone’s strengths.
Include practical and emotional support
Regardless of the type of care that’s organised for a loved one, it’s important to ensure that their practical and emotional wellbeing remain the priority. Whether family members are providing their support or a professional care provider is doing so, the person’s wishes need to be considered.
How to Create a Fair Care Plan
Building a fair care plan is something that a care provider would be able to guide the family through. For instance, Helping Hands take all of the person’s wishes, requirements, and routine into account when building a care plan, and because we’ve been doing so since 1989, we’re the company to talk to about a loved one’s care.
Agree who is responsible for each task
If you’re splitting the care tasks between family members, the care plan will need to state who is doing what and that they are able to carry it out. For instance, it’s no good having a plan in place if some people won’t be able to meet that commitment. If there’s any doubt, then some professional care should be put into place as well.
Keep everyone updated
Keeping everyone in the care plan updated when things change is crucial. It’s no good going to the trouble of building a comprehensive care plan, with all loved ones knowing what they’re expected to do, if changes are not communicated to everyone involved. The person’s care will need to be fully carried out, without any gaps in provision.
What to Do When One Person Is Doing Too Much
If one person is doing too much, other family members will need to recognise this, as if they don’t, exhaustion and resentment will grow and fractures in relationships may happen. If other family members are not able to step in and take on more responsibility then external care should be utilised, on either a residential basis outside of the home, or a visiting, or live-in care basis in the home. It’s important that family members continue to communicate and check in with each other regularly, so that their loved one’s care needs can be monitored, after all, the wellbeing of both them and the person providing the care should always remain the highest priority.
Managing Family Disagreements About Care
Family disagreements about care aren’t always predictable. Even if family members have always had strong relationships in the past, the emotive as well as practical acknowledgement around an older loved one’s physical or cognitive decline can be hard to manage. Family members sometimes disagree on whether care should be delivered in a care home or the person’s own home. This could be due to concerns around having a stranger living in the person’s home or visiting regularly. Costs can also play a part, as siblings may not want a property to be sold to pay for a parent’s care. This is why it’s important to request a care assessment from the local authority to see if they qualify for help with care costs. Ultimately, all of the options should be considered, but what is best for the person needing care, rather than their loved ones, is what matters.
When to Consider Professional Care
If loved ones continue to disagree about the person’s care, then perhaps none of them should put themselves in the position of primary caregiver. This means that everyone will be equally involved in their care, without anyone being accused of undue favour or influence. Choosing a professional care provider shouldn’t be taken lightly either though. Care companies and agencies vary widely; for instance, agencies are often unregulated and don’t even employ their own care staff, meaning that loved ones or the person needing care may be responsible for employing them and paying their national insurance and tax. Helping Hands has never been an agency though; we employ all of our carers directly, check their references carefully and screen them through the DBS thoroughly.
How Helping Hands Can Support Your Family
It’s obvious that everyone wants the very best care they can get for their loved ones, however it’s understandable that affordability, service provision, and location have to play a part too. Care can be expensive, and therefore people want to know that they’re getting value for money, as well as the best care available. Because Helping Hands have been supporting people to live well in their own homes for 37 years, we are home care experts, and we know how much older people love to continue living in places that mean so much to them. While moving into a care home may seem the only choice at first, having carers coming to the person’s home or living in, means that they get to enjoy their daily routine as it’s always played out, while our carers will fit into however they like to live. You and your loved one will always be in the safest hands with Helping Hands.
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How we wrote this page
This page has been produced referencing key insights and data from external experts, trusted medical sources and our team of in-house specialists. We have worked hard to ensure that all information is as accurate as possible and reflects current consensus at the time of writing and reviewing.